How to do the Jammie Shuffle
- Details
- Published on Wednesday, 22 August 2012 11:45
- Written by Dashalia Singaram
Everyone has their own Jammie horror stories, but, after years at UCT, we still haven’t figured out how to survive those dreaded rides from hell.
Now, by “survive,” we don’t mean what to do when the engine catches alight – which, for those of you who haven’t been around very long, is a real threat. These are the most common and awkward Jammie situations in which you will find yourself, and how to avoid and/or deal with them.
1. Beware of the Schumi-wannabes
Not all Jammie drivers are bad: some are nice and will wait for you as you run, waving behind the shuttle that is already pulling away. Then there are the ones who change gears and brake so violently that you find yourself unwillingly dry-humping the leg of the person standing in front of you. Like a dog. In heat.
This is sometimes combined with the need to take corners at full speed, which, if you are standing, seems to rip your arms from their sockets and, if you are sitting, plants you either on the floor or pressed up against the person next to you like it’s Jug Night at Springboks.
2. Location, location, location
If you, like most of the UCT population, are forced to take shuttles at peak times, you are probably used to them being packed like Jammie stairs during Thursday Meridians. Unfortunately, apart from skipping morning lectures, which is only allowed in so-cold-you-can’t-feel-your-face weather, there’s not much you can do to miss the morning cram session.
You can, however, lessen the pain. No matter how cold it is outside the shuttle, once you’re inside and sharing air that smells like it’s been around longer than you have, it will get stuffy. Find a spot near a window; it will save you starting off your day with the smell of pits lingering in your nose.
3. Riding the slow bus
Now it’s hard enough to catch a shuttle that comes on time, and get a spot in it, and survive the ride. But there is nothing worse than being stuck in traffic in a shuttle. Okay, there’s genocide and stuff, but you know what I mean. It means knowing that you will not make it to the lecture for wich you summoned all your strength to get out of bed, and not being able to do a single thing about it.
Sadly, even if you are a mere 10-minute walk from campus, you can’t be let off the shuttle, although it hasn’t moved in 10 minutes and you are more likely to die of suffocation on the shuttle than be hit by a car getting off it. This rule is followed to the letter by the Jammie driver, who is so busy texting that he hasn’t noticed the bus rolling backwards into the petrified Prius behind you...