- Published on Tuesday, 21 August 2012 14:05
- Written by Rushin Jansen
An early release from prison really is the best medicine
It is a remarkable co-incidence, perhaps constituting divine intervention (better known in politics as illness intervention) that when convicted a few Top Brass political figures are plagued with grave life-threatening diseases.
So grave that they are not able to serve their lengthy sentences for their crimes (which of course they did not commit) and are forced to remain in their modest multi-million rand houses under aptly-named medical parole.
It would seem that politicians have a proclivity to dip their hands a little too far into the cookie jar, and when caught they are struck down with the calamity of a tummy ache.
They have in fact coined a new disease: Politorhea, where they’ve become
so skilled at misappropriating the truth (and often state funds as well, “allegedly”)
that their own bodies begin to believe them.
Symptoms could include corruption and fraud, soon to be followed by terminal illness such as cancer if caught.
Shabir Shaik, the masterful health sage, has had to fight off his terminal illness for many years now with a balanced diet of fine cuisine, nights spent relaxing at luxury lodges and, not to forget, the odd round of golf.
It is important to note that in order to receive medical parole one must be suffering from a medical condition which is terminal, chronic, progressive and has deteriorated permanently or reached an irreversible state.
Shaik must be dead and we’re all just seeing his very healthy ghost. I’m no medical expert but it would seem since his release he has become a picture of health.
Either that or his terminal illness is a pot-belly.
Perhaps Jackie Salebi receives the annual Political Convicts Medical Journal, as he too has taken ill following his corruption trial. Terminal illness must be contagious (despite popularly accepted medical belief based on years of research).
Perhaps there is a gene that makes politicians more susceptible to falling desperately ill at opportune moments.
It seems the ANC has a surgeon in their pockets with a skill for Imprisonment Bypass Surgery. Although in all fairness to the ANC, this occurrence is not exclusive to them as dear Shrien Dewani has also taken ill near the time of his extradition hearing- no doubt bedridden with grief.
What I have taken from this is that if I am ever arrested by the Hawks for corruption, I’d better have passed Go, collected R200 and received my Get-Out-Of-Jail Free Card courtesy of well-connected and bribed ANC officials.
Otherwise I’ll have to find a politician to infect me with a terminal illness!