Lust for Lecturers
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- Published on Tuesday, 19 April 2011 02:00
Image: michael.currin.co.za
Upon social observation, I’ve decided to classify people into three categories. Note: If you’re reading this, you fall into one of the categories by default.
Category 1: Those who pretend to never have a slightly ‘below the belt’ thought.
Category 2: Those who get a little frisky behind closed doors - bringing out the props and the school-girl outfits.
Category 3: Those who decide, “why just enjoy role-play, when you can make dreams come true?” The ones that actually hook up with their teachers: Prof. Seemann or the fifth year tutor.
Shocked? Somehow I don’t think so. Quite on the contrary, I think you have a specific tutor or lecturer that’s come to mind. Perhaps the one that’s caused some distractions during tits. Sorry, I mean during tuts. Or one that has left you with more than the “academic” after-thought. I’m not going to spend any time convincing you that these sorts of affairs happen. Open your mouth and ask around, I’m sure you’ll be (pleasantly?) surprised.
Yes, tutors and lecturers are our superiors…the ones who like to be on top. But truth be told, they’re not always as strong-minded as their superiority calls for. And us students are neither as mature as we like to portray…we’re passion driven and want what we want. The point is both parties have weak points.
For those wanting to get on board, here are a few pointers to consider before embarking on your steamy journey.
If it’s a professor you’re aiming for, first and foremost – big ups to you! That’s reaching for the stars. I’d do a little rethinking before I went for gold. Typically, professors are of a rather “developed” age. Developed in the sense that they’ve been where we are, they’ve seen our type before and they still have their prestigious job. The behaviour of “the young and the restless” (aka: me, you and everyone else) is not unfamiliar or new to them.
The thing is, by the time you’re a professor, you’ve sorted out your life. You’re no longer an emotional mess, swinging between wanting to be constantly drunk and wanting to be the top academic individual, like us students. Instead, he or she has probably got a couple of PhDs below their belt and a sweet and stable partner. If not, they’re probably divorced and bitter or single and cynical, and then what fun will they be?
If you’re really contemplating this, I’d swing a little lower down the academic pole. Tutors can still make that naughty role-play in reality and there aren’t too many risks involved. Point to remember when on your sexual prowl in the tertiary education field: the playing dumb tactic is exactly that, dumb. It’s not cute and it’s not going to get you anywhere. (Wo)Man up and ask for what you want.
Closer to home, here’s what UCT has to say about these sticky situations. Page 119 of the University Policy Handbook refers to these encounters as “Special relationships between staff and students.” If you manage to hook a member of staff, the Head of Department (HOD) must be told. If you hook an HOD, the Dean of the Faculty must be informed. If you hook the Dean, then you need to inform a Deputy Vice-Chancellor. Here’s hoping your experience ends up being truly “special”.
So, take from that what you need, or should I say who you need. However, most importantly, remember – although it may be a hard task – all in all making it on the Dean’s list is suddenly a little more within reach. It’s just a matter of deciding on which list you will feature.