Republicans Wrestle for Right to Run

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Published on Tuesday, 14 February 2012 14:06

Written by Alex Searle

Newt, Mitt, Ron and Rick. New names pop into the American vernacular faster than service at a McDonald’s drive-thru. They’ve become so ingrained that they are words with which we can now judge a person’s ignorance or drop into  a dinner conversation.

And who are these mysterious characters hiding behind these larger-than-life names? The answer is quite disappointing: they’re  politicians. 

Yes, I know; I also had that look on my face. With first names barely clocking in at one syllable and suffering from a paucity of decent vowels, they sound like they belong to a parody Spice Girls group or the Canadian cousins of The Smurfs. 

But don’t let it put you off; this catalectic foursome has recently become the talk of a nation writhing in its own glorious political goo.

It is an election year in the US, which means that Mr Obama will have to strap on his chain-mail to face nearly eleven months of non-stop attacks from that special someone from the Republican party. Only after November 6th will he be able to rest easy again (and I say this with complete confidence in his re-election chances). 

Until then, the limelight, usually reserved for an incumbent president, is swung in the direction of his possible opponents. The Republicans (or, traditionally, the GOP) have put forward a number of candidates, ranging from governors to senators to business tycoons, to spend inordinate amounts of money on campaign tours crisscrossing the American landscape.

 At the end of it all, one of them will be officially endorsed by their party as the nominee to challenge Obama for the presidency. One by one, they’ve dropped out of the “race”, as the faithful US media have termed it, making it sound more like a Nascar spectacle. 

And a spectacle it certainly has been: online news publications, TV media, print and magazines have become used to blocking off space for new content about the remaining four candidates coming in almost daily. Whether it’s following Mitt Romney on the trail in some dustbox in South Carolina or hounding Newt Gingrich’s dubious sexual history, they’re there to cover it, warts ‘n’ all. 

However, this time round, the game is a little more dirty than before. The candidates have taken it upon themselves to launch big-budget TV ads in which an opponent’s reputation or Congresssional voting record is shamelessly smeared for all the world to see. 

I find it laughable that less than a year ago these guys were all friends patting each other’s backs at smarmy convention luncheons, and now they can’t stand the sight of one another. That, at least, is what they’re trying to portray. 

At the moment, Mitt Romney is surging ahead of a sinking Newt Gingrich. The other two, Pennsylvania’s Rick Santorum and the crotchety Texan gynaecologist Ron Paul, are far behind the two frontrunners. Following caucus results and weekly polls can be a tiresome addiction, requiring almost hourly attention. 

This year’s American political forecast is sure to be the most entertaining ever, with plenty of surprise twists and turns all before that beautiful November morning. It’s the same script being played out as it has been for generations, but the spectacle of it all has us on the edge of our cheap seats, furiously chomping at the bit in anticipation of what’ll happen next. 

We’ll laugh with Mitt, we’ll get angry with Newt, we’ll sympathise with Ron and we’ll root for Rick, but once President Obama’s Oath is taken again next year January, all this re-election drama will be just another faint memory as we shuffle back to work and the leaves fall on that cold Pennsylvania Avenue.